Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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