I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
