the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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