The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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