Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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