Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
