I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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