if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
God, I missed his penis.
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