if i can run in heels then i can drive
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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