I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
