I wish I could teleport
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
