Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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