you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
