She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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