You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
