im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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