Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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