How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
