Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
