Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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