True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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