he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
