if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
