All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize