He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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