Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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