Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
