Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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