Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we're making bets on your personal life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
