did you get engaged???
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
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Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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