I must be too annoying 4 u.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
