You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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