Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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