absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
