lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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