I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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