he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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