They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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