I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
