i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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