there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
