At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.