i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.