life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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