Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
