Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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