I want to make a zoo with you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
3 2 1 whiskey
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
