if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize