I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Less talking, more tequila
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
