I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
