The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
