he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
