i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
