i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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