mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
