dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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