Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
