new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
