I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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