so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
