now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
