I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
