I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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