What a fucking waste of an outfit
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
