her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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