There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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