Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
