Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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