how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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