These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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