When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Everclear isn't food dammit
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
